I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
