You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
