I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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