I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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