My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
