I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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