i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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