nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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