Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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