Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Randomize
