someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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