its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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