She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
