I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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