apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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