hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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