You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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