i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
