Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
