Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
