If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I touched a dick in church today
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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