It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
sex in a hospital.. check
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
