i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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