Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
