i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
