She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
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