1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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