I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
