You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Randomize
