She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
