So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
