you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
