remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Randomize
