He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
