it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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