My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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