what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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