After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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