I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
