you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
