Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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