So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize