I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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