All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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