Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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