is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
