you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Randomize
