Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
