Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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