I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
