it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize