Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
