Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
