i just snorted my name. best moment ever
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
