I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
