Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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