Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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