the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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