hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
