Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
