The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
