accomplished twins. life is a go
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
