I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
