so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
