Don't you send me to vm
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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