I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Randomize
