D3 body, D1 cock
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
True strength comes from lack of pants
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
