I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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