Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
